terrified of death .

viberint:

I am not scared of my own death.
I won’t be here to grieve
I won’t be here to wonder
Why
I won’t be here to feel as if my words have been robbed from my throat
I won’t be here to focus on a blank wall trying to keep my mind sane
I won’t be here to be bitter and angry
I won’t be here to lose
I won’t be here to wonder if I could have stopped my own death
I won’t be here to despise the card I have been dealt
I won’t be here for my own death,
And so I can’t feel the pain of my own death
I am terrified of death.
I am terrified to feel the loss of a soul again
I am terrified to feel tears behind my eyes for months on end
I am terrified to tremble in disbelief
I am terrified I will not be able to help
Someone I love
I am terrified to feel the pain of a death that is not my own
I am terrified to be numb
To not care
To ask myself if this pain is worth life
I am terrified to be empty
Speechless with racing thoughts
I am terrified of death because it is the most pain I can account for
I am terrified.
I cannot lose another person
Because What if the thought of my own death
Will be more appealing
Than the emptiness that results from losing someone else .